My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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