She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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