I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
