just tell him i said nine months
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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