You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
