It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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