didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
