wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
