i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
