He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
