I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
