saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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