How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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