I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
