I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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