My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
