dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
