the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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