what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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