just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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