Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
