at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
