end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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