I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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