Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
