Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
