She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
