If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
