I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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