I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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