Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
