Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
