So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
