He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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