I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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