a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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