the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize