i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize