So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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