haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
