what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
