yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
