even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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