Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
