around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
