i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
