I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
