apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
