I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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