You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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