How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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