I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize