we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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