One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
