You really coming over, don't trick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
