I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
