don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
