Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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