I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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