Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
