I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
