My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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