No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
