I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
