he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
