Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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