drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
