Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
