It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
