I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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