Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize