For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
