i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
