His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is wine microwaveable?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
