I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
