sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
