I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
