yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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