the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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