For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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